It is 100 percent normal for you to feel raw today. It is 100 percent normal for you to feel a little paralysis. It is 100 percent normal for you to experience fear and vulnerability in a visceral, noticeable, and pervasive way today. The question is, what will you do with the fear?

Fear can drive us into our most primal instincts of survival and self-preservation. It can give us tunnel vision to anything outside of getting our needs met, securing our future, and serving our own best interest. This is normal, but we don’t have to stay here. If we can stay mindful, curious, and grounded in the present, we can find ways to take care of ourselves without losing sight of the values we hold around loving our neighbor.

There is so much silence and stigma around maternal mental health. Maybe it is because childbirth is so often traumatic that our tendency towards comparison robs us of the ability to name our grief and the toll taken on our bodies. Maybe it is because childbirth is so precious and vulnerable that the pain of our loss is untenable to those around us.

It is painful, hard, intentional work to become present to your own life, and the tears I’ve left in my therapists’ offices are proof of that. Despite the difficulty, however, through years of engaging in therapy I finally entered a place where fear was no longer driving the vehicle. Sure, she churns up a ruckus from the backseat sometimes, but I am able to make intentional, value and desire driven choices about how I live my life.

The muscles are there, and toned, and they know how to do it- she just forgets that she knows how to move…and so I stay where I am when she cries, and I get down towards the floor and encourage her to come. I clap and cheer as she starts to take some tentative crawling steps forward, and I get to enjoy her smiles and glee as she realizes that she was able to propel herself.